How do I still speak of sadness, when I was sure it had already been as deep as it could be?
How do I even begin to help you understand the new depth of what is present?
How can I find the courage to dig even deeper into my reservoir of resilience, that I was sure had been tapped completely?
It snuck up on me and it now sits with me, it stays with me, it will not let its grip on my heart loosen in the least.
I have felt certain it would pass with my attempts to acknowledge its presence.
I felt sure my intention to be with it completely, would be enough to usher it along.
The weight of the sorrow now being felt is ever present.
The tears so easily and completely flow, without provocation.
The hole in my heart seems enlarged beyond what I thought possible.
Where is the time that brings healing?
Where is the quiet relief of sadness expressed?
Where is the solace from being present with what is?
Maybe this is a turn that calls me to open to yet new layers of what grief can be.
Perhaps time is now slowing to enable an exquisite exposure of sorrow yet untouched.
By chance, can this be the strongest call yet, to open my heart to the depth of loss that is possible?
I know I must let go of my “supposed to be’s”.
I know I am called to not stop moving forward.
I know I have the strength to keep digging.
New layers, more work, a finish line still out of reach…….